Grief and Emotions After Pregnancy Loss or Stillbirth
Grief is a normal response to loss. Grief can affect:
- Your body
- Your emotions
- Your thoughts
- Your relationships
Your experience may be shaped by:
- What happened in your pregnancy
- Hormone changes
- Your health and stress level
- Your support system
- Past mental health concerns
- Other life events
Loss often has many layers. You may also grieve the person you were before the loss.
Everyone grieves differently. You may feel some of the feelings below, many of them, or none at all. They may come and go in any order.
If these feelings last more than two weeks, feel overwhelming, or make it hard to function, talk with your care team or a mental health provider. Help is available.
There Is No Timeline for Grief
There is no set schedule for healing.
Some people feel intense emotions right away. Others feel them later. Good days and hard days often mix.
Over time, grief usually becomes less intense, but it may not go away completely. Anniversaries or reminders may bring feelings back.
Take the time you need. Listen to your body and emotions.
Common Feelings and Reactions
Grief comes in many forms, but here are some feelings and reactions that are common:
- Shock or numbness
- Feeling frozen, confused, or disconnected. This is your body trying to protect you from pain.
- Trouble thinking or making decisions. It may be hard to focus or remember things.
- Ask your provider to repeat or write down information.
- Be patient with yourself.
- Anger. Anger can help you protect yourself or speak up. It can be harmful if you hold it inside or blame yourself. You may feel angry at:
- Doctors
- God
- Yourself
- Your partner or family
- The situation
- Guilt or searching for answers
- Many people wonder if they could have done something differently. Wanting answers is normal.
- This is not your fault. The loss did not happen because of something you did or did not do.
- Your care provider may help explain what is known.
- Anxiety or feeling on edge
- Your body may stay in “alert mode," where you feel worried or tense even when you are safe.
- Sadness.
- Sadness can feel heavy and tiring.
- Crying can help your body calm down.
- Rest and gentle care are important.
- Relief
- Some people feel relief after intense stress or medical decisions. This is okay and common.
Physical Symptoms After Loss
Stress can cause:
- Tiredness
- Headaches
- Muscle pain
- Trouble sleeping
- Upset stomach
- Changes in appetite
- Always tell your care provider about these symptoms.
Breast Milk After Loss
Your body may make milk. This can bring strong emotions.
You can:
- Wear a sports bra
- Use ice
- Take Tylenol
- Donate breastmilk if you want
Your care team can also prescribe you medicine to stop milk.
Strong Reactions to Babies or Pregnancy Triggers
Seeing babies, pregnant people, or baby items may feel painful. Plan ahead for what helps you feel safe, such as:
- Stepping outside
- Taking slow breaths
- Calling someone you trust
Different Grief Between Partners or Family
People grieve in different ways. This can feel confusing or hurtful, but talking openly can help.
Find Support Groups and Comfort After Stillbirth or Pregnancy Loss
Mental Health
